Weddings and White Dresses.

Before we begin let me be upfront; I am the last authority on anything wedding-y, considering I’m not married or planning to get hitched any time soon. Matter of fact, I’m not really big on weddings, which makes zero sense considering how pro Happily Ever After I am, but there you go. With that disclaimer out of the way, this post should be taken with a teaspoon of salt because it is coming from the point of view of a novice. And there will be no virtual punches thrown. Right?

The other day, my friends and I were talking about weddings, I don’t know how it started, we probably had one too many mimosas at brunch or something, the discussion quickly turned to a debate on the taboo subject of wearing white to a wedding if you are not the bride. It was inconclusive but we didn’t kill each other. I did however, Google the subject later on, for a broader consensus and much like my friends and I the camps were divided: TEAM NO WHITE are adamant in their stance and make a good case for their viewpoint. Some vehemently so and I can just picture the shaking of the fist as they stick to their guns.

For the record I am on TEAM WEAR WHITE. *ducks wedding gown*

Now, before you get your braids all up in a knot like my dear friend Valerie would say, hear me out. There are NO hard and fast rules against wearing white to a wedding. It is not set in stone or passed down from any generation, matter of fact; Ettiquette does NOT demand it. Somewhere along the line, some Bridezillas got together to cook up this one up just because you know, it’s their party, so to speak.

“NO WHITE ON MY DAY!”

Uh huh. Whatever.

Look, I get it, you don’t want anyone to be all up in your nut and cracking it with their subpar white frock, its your day after all and its all about YOU. And so it shall be, simply because everyone is there to celebrate YOU not some random guest who decided to throw on any old frock for the occasion, even if it is white, everyone will be too busy celebrating YOU to care about anyone else. That being said, there are some exceptions to the white-to-a-wedding-if-you’re-not-the-bride-free pass.

• Firstly; If you have to wear white to a wedding it cannot be anything remotely bridal looking; no long flowing white dress, no train (seriously) and no damn Tiara, that’s just taking the piss.
• Secondly; if you are the Mother or Step-Mother of the bride and groom; any motherly figure related to the bride and groom, thou shalt not wear white. You’ve had you day, let the young ones have theirs.
• Third; the ex-girlfriends and fianceé club shall adhere to the NO WHITE rule. Matter of fact exes shouldn’t even go here, but there is always that crazy ex who’s still mad at the one who got away, aka your groom, who will get herself invited third-wheeling it as guest of a guest of a guest…and try to upstage the bride in her bridal white long flowing gown. You know those ones. If she does turn up to your wedding,wearing the forbidden white or any shade close, don’t take the earrings off, but you do have the right to issue her with a read before kicking her out. Pause the ceremony if you have to.

For other guests who don’t fit into the aforementioned categories and come without drama, I say let them. It will not subtract from your day in the slightest.

I understand the kerfuffle per se, every bride only has this one opportunity to wear a big, fluffy, meringue-y type, puff ball gown that she may or may not regret wearing when she looks back. This has been her dream from the age of five, her once in a life time opportunity (hopefully) so its really not a do or die affair that you should wear your white dress on this particular day in HER life. However, don’t be deceived by some mythical rule because it doesn’t exist; if you have that one lovely dress which so happens to only come in white, that you have been dying to wear and you feel this is the appropriate occasion to wear it- because let’s face it much as its loved there are only so many places one can wear white to- then by all means have at it. BUT do come prepared to handle the heat because there will be some church ladies in the congregation dressed in their groundbreaking Spring florals, throwing all kinds of shade your way with their judge-y looks.

Listen, we need to get a handle on this before someone, somewhere decides RED, BLACKS and all FIFTY SHADES OF GREY are on the banished list of wedding appropriate colours. You know they are lurking out there.

I’m probably going to hell for encouraging such rebellion aren’t I? I’ll be the one whose fiancé’s ex shows up wearing the same dress and looking better in it. RIGHT?!!

Still, I am on Team Wear White to a Wedding.

What say you?